The Transformative Power of Divorce Coaching with India Kern

Ever wish you had a guide to navigate the tumultuous journey of divorce? My guest today, India Kern - a certified divorce coach, is just that guide. Drawing from her personal experience with divorce, India not only provides emotional support but also empowers individuals with education about the process. We cover everything from the power of mediation, her upcoming in-person coaching event, to the convenience of her virtual sessions - all aimed at making this daunting process a little more manageable.

As India candidly shares, the transformative power of coaching is a beacon of hope amidst such challenging times. She enlightens us on how to take the reins of our emotions rather than succumbing to the irresistible pull of blame. With a myriad of coaching methods including one-on-one and group sessions, India fosters a sense of resilience and positivity - guiding individuals towards a peaceful resolution. Oh, and one more thing, if you're looking to explore more about India's work, head over to indiakern.com. Don't miss out on an enlightening conversation that is as much about healing as it is about divorce.

Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.

As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.

Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.

Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
scottlevinmediation@gmail.com
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net

Chapters

• 0:00 Empowering Divorce Coaching and Mediation
• 7:39 Coaching's Transformative Power

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey everybody, this is Scott Levin, Chief Peacekeeper, and I am so stoked to be joined today by India Kern. How are you, India?

Speaker 2: 0:09

I'm fine, Scott. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: 0:11

Thank you. So, for those of you that don't know, india is one of the leading certified divorce coaches, I think, throughout California. She has an incredible online platform, social media. She's just growing up and is huge. And India, before we get into the topic of the day, could you tell us about the in-person coaching event that you were just talking about?

Speaker 2: 0:34

Yeah, yeah, thanks, scott. So I do one-on-one coaching, but I have something that I'm super excited about. It's happening in August. It's the second and fourth Mondays of each month August, september and October and it's going to be in-person coaching because we're all zoomed out, right. We're tired of being on Zoom right, but if you can't make it in-person, I will have an online option. So it's the best of both worlds and, if you wanted to, there'll be six sessions, but you could technically hit all 12 if you wanted. So I will give you all the information and you can put it in the details and the notes, and so, if anyone's interested, I'd love to talk to you about it.

Speaker 1: 1:14

And otherwise, if people want to, you know talk to you throughout the country or just, you know, pick your brain. They can also, you know, engage you virtually as well, just not for that, but for anything else in general.

Speaker 2: 1:27

Absolutely, and I have a discovery call. So that's a free call and we can talk and see if coaching's a fit for you. So you can find that on indiacurncom, just India, like the country Kern, K-E-R-N dot com.

Speaker 1: 1:41

Awesome.

Speaker 1: 1:42

Well, so Enya and I were talking just before this and I think a great topic for conversation with an elite, you know, divorce coach like Enya is basically as a mediator.

Speaker 1: 1:53

I'm a full-time mediator, I'm an attorney, but I just help people resolve disputes and in the divorce world, unfortunately, you know a decent amount of people that come to me are dealing with the kickback of discovering that you know there was a cheating situation in the marriage and they've decided then, to you know, move forward with a separation and in those cases the emotions can just be so raw, the feelings, you know, extremely sensitive. So I guess my question to India is we want people to go into mediation because we believe I think most of us believe that in the long run that's what's best for people, that's the best place, if a divorce is going to happen, for it to happen. But when there's a cheating situation and the emotions are just extremely raw, how do you coach your clients to do what's in their best interest, when they might not even want to look at the other person or be in the same room with them?

Speaker 2: 2:56

Right? That's a great question. Actually, scott, that was me in 2011. So I first went to a mediator with my soon-to-be ex and I didn't know what. I didn't know, right. So I get in there and I'm thinking, oh, I'm going to be railroaded and I have all these. I can't even speak, you know, because I'm so emotionally raw, like you said, and I had no idea that I could have a consulting attorney and I could have an advocate. So my decisions were made based off of little information, right? So if I had had a divorce coach or someone educating me, I would have definitely taken that route, because the alternative was litigation and we fought a lot and the money I mean, you can imagine it was we spent so much money and it was unnecessary.

Speaker 2: 3:47

And so when I coached my clients of course, I share that story, but what I love about mediation is the intention behind it. You're both coming to the table with really a mission statement to do what's best for the children to get through this with the least amount of collateral damage that is possible, right? And if you go with and you set an intention which I do with my clients before mediation you just tend to follow through and I see people that go through mediation come out so much happier. And it's a it tends to be a shorter process, whereas litigation, you know again going back to my story started in 2011. It was the fastest divorce possible, but then there was other things that came along till 2017. So we were in and out of court that long. So if I had to do it over again, I would definitely say I would definitely go to mediation, but again, I just wish I'd had the knowledge. Like I said, you don't know what you don't know.

Speaker 1: 4:51

And is that how you empower your clients to prove that knowledge and understand them Exactly?

Speaker 2: 4:56

Exactly Because usually you don't know about divorce unless you're in the profession or you've been through it yourself. Why would you know anything about it? So I shared with you earlier. I went to therapy and therapy is great, but it was really helping me understand why I married the person I did. It was not helping me make a game plan Like how are we going to get through this? Should I do litigation? Should I do mediation? How do I decide on a mediator? All these different? One thing I could have really used is someone to help me get emotionally and mentally prepared for the business of divorce, whether that be mediation or litigation. Litigation was scary enough. The depositions were super scary, so that was hard in itself. So education equals confidence, and that's what I didn't have. I was lacking confidence because I didn't have a guide, and I always say I became the guide I didn't have and so, anyway, that's how I got here. But yeah, education is huge.

Speaker 1: 6:05

And so when you wrapped up or at some point during your divorce, you were thinking I need to help people that are going through I can help people. How do you take that desire to do it and then actually become someone in your position that's not just a coach, but that has a business that has clients, that's thriving? How do you go from that first step to where you are now?

Speaker 2: 6:32

Well, it definitely took time because I had to heal. That is definitely. You cannot do it when you're raw. So it took a lot of time.

Speaker 2: 6:39

I wrote a book called Surviving the Unwanted Divorce, and then I looked into life coaching and then I had the same client essentially come to me all the time, and it was usually someone that was going through the divorce process, struggling, stuck in their pain, and so I thought to myself maybe I should do this divorce coaching thing. I didn't even know it existed. So then I started researching. I found that you can get certified and that's how I got into it. And then it really gave me purpose, because before I was a stay at home mom and I, of course, I had my children. But this really gave me purpose to help others so they didn't have to suffer. I like to say I made every mistake in the book, so you don't have to, and I really did. I just I flew by the seat of my pants Like I said if I could do things over, I would, but now I use that knowledge and I help others so they don't fall in those traps as mistakes that I made.

Speaker 1: 7:39

In the last couple of minutes. Can you share, maybe an example, of course not giving any specific detail of the person, but can you share an example of how working with someone maybe created a whole new path that this person would not have had without your help?

Speaker 2: 7:58

Sure, let's see.

Speaker 2: 8:00

So you know, what I find is a common pitfall I guess you could say, with a lot of people going through divorce, like the one you set up, that maybe was found out about a cheating spouse, what I see is that the blame, everything is put on the other person. And yes, I get it, I get it, the other person had, there was an infraction, and they, you know that's not good, but what coaching does is turns the perspective on you, right, because all you can control is your side of the street, so to speak. Right, so the greatest thing about that is that you have control of your feelings. And I think what we forget is when we're launching these, like you know, daggers and the other person goes we're so hurt we forget that they are. That is controlling our emotions, whereas if we change the thought, we can control our feelings and then get different results. So that's basically the nut like coaching in a nutshell Change your thoughts, change your life, and so that's where I would say everything starts with you and staying on your side of the street.

Speaker 1: 9:14

I love that I think that's unbelievable advice. India Kern, can you repeat how people confine you again?

Speaker 2: 9:23

Yeah, definitely so. Go to indiacerncom that's India like the country, and Kern is K-E-R-Ncom and be on the lookout for the new in-person group coaching and the online group coaching and of course, I always do one-on-one. But thank you, scott, for having me.

Speaker 1: 9:41

Yeah, I love that advice and everyone. India is just incredible, so check her out, educate, learn and if you're in this process, this is a great place to be, so appreciate it.